The cause of 80% of the world’s drama, is miscommunication, and unclear expectations.
I remember asking for some help from a friend of mine. He said yes.
His help never did arrive. I would’ve appreciated a simple no, that way I wouldn’t be expecting.
And we’d still be friends.
Why does courtesy, and the fear of saying no to people, push us to lie?
For our convenience? To save face?
I can think of a few more examples how we fill our lives with drama.
Not meaning what you say.
I grew up in a very polite and courteous environment. Which is another way of saying that people never really told others what they meant, and they always hoped that other people would “get the hint.”
It’s very good if you want to grow up playing mind games, and living a life of drama hell.
I hated it. My days were filled with drama, and always trying to decipher what other people were trying to really say.
Even if they were lying to my face.
It taught me to distrust people, and to always dig deeper into their body language, tone, and actions. I got good at noticing little cues that told me if people didn’t really mean what they say.
It was crazy.
You can always say things in a polite manner, yet still be very direct to the point. Or tell them alone.
Or, you can opt not to tell them, if its not important.
Don’t give a reply, if one is not needed.
Don’t give a reply that you don’t mean.
Don’t give in to the drama and masks that people wear.
Not saying what you mean.
This is from the opposite side of the coin, and one which I also frequently experienced growing up.
It stems from the same fear. Because you’re afraid what other people might say, or might react, or how you might look towards them, you try your best to hint at what you’d like to say.
Or in some case, just outright lie, don’t say what you mean, drop some body language and voice hints, and hope that they get it.
Ugh. what a plan.
In hindsight, this was an effect of having parents that were too strict, overbearing, and overprotective.
I learned to not tell people what I really meant.
But close enough.
I learned to lie and shift behavior to avoid getting into trouble.
Only to pay the price in the long-term.
As Jim Rohn said, the pain of discipline weighs ounces. The pain of regret, weighs tons.
Say what you mean, and say it straight.
I also learned that you can be direct, frank, to the point, and yet still carry and deliver every ounce of respect, kindness, and honor in your message.
Caring too much of what other people think.
I was insecure, scared, and afraid of being rejected and not being loved.
In some ways, I still feel I’m like that.
When I care too much about what other people might think, it means I’m too afraid.
I’ve given up my power and self-esteem, and put them in the hands of total strangers.
What happens then? I lie, and tell people what they want to hear.
Or I keep quiet, even when they want to hear something.
Or I don’t fully commit to what I’m saying, and people feel the half-assed effort and emotion.
Or I’m too busy looking for signs of approval, that I’m not really listening to them.
When I care too much about what other people might think about what I’m saying, it ceases to be communication. It ceases to be open. It then becomes a game of cat and mouse, where I’m chasing for the cues and words that people want to hear, to gain acceptance for myself and my message.
Even when it’s not what I want to say, or what I really mean.
All of that leads to drama. both inside of me, and outside.
Not caring enough about what’s really important to you.
When we’re afraid of other’s rejection, and not say what we really want to say or mean, we’re actually letting go of what’s important for us in the moment.
We’re letting other people’s priorities, undermine our priorities.
And it’s not their fault, it’s ours.
Sooner or later, the resentment builds up and wells over, leading us to do things we may regret later.
We miscommunicate, we build up drama instead.
It’s up to us to define our life, and how we live it, instead of just riding the current, and letting other people make plans for us.
We might not even like what they have in store for us, if they have anything at all.
Focus on what’s important.
Be clear, to have less drama.
Drama in life stems from intentional ambiguity. From not anchoring on what you know to be clear and factual, and instead letting your imagination and interpretation of things rule you.
Develop more self-awareness to determine what’s important to you, and to catch yourself in situations where any of these four are being triggered.
Say what you mean.
Mean what you say.
Focus on what’s important, for you as well, not only for others.
Don’t be afraid of what other people might say. That doesn’t count for much.
Discipline over regret.
No drama.
What fills your life with drama? Please share in the comments below!
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