Big life changes coming up, and with it big decisions which must be made.
I’m tying the knot in a few days, and the process of preparation has been very enlightening, and challenging as well.
In a short span of time, me and my wife-to-be have had to make several life-changing decisions, starting with deciding to be together for the rest of our lives.
And in the course of making all of those decisions, here are some tips that we’ve discovered that helped us make those decisions, and get clear on making the decision that is best for us, our current situation, and what we want in life.
Get clear on the end goal.
Always begin with what’s the objective? What is the result that you want, and the impact that it will have?
If you have a clear end in mind, then the particulars, and even the action steps necessary, will follow.
The more clear and specific the goal in mind, the better. Not only does having a specific, clear, and vivid image help motivate you toward that particular end, but it helps you foresee what specific steps, materials, and even backup plans you need to have to make the goal come true.
There’s a reason why Dr. Steven Covey listed “Begin with the end in mind” as one of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
Getting clear on the end goal just clears away so much of the chaff and unnecessary, and focuses you on the results that you want.
Focus on what’s important.
And by this, I mean what’s really important. What must be there, and what must happen.
This could be goals, dreams, and career. What do you want to achieve in life, what kind of impact do you want to have through your work?
This could be family, spouse, and children. How you are able to provide for them, be there for them, nurture and support them, and love them with all your heart and soul.
This could also mean yourself – becoming a better person, stretching and growing yourself. Becoming more than what you think you currently are, and could only become.
What are your non-negotiables?
What are the values and principles that you stand by and value? What are these that you cannot go without?
From the start of our relationship, it became very clear that me and my wife-t0-be held trust and commitment as non-negotiables, and our expectations for this were discussed, hashed out, communicated, and checked up on.
Clear rules and expectations were set, as well as consequences for breaking the rules. So early on, it became very clear that cheating in whatever way, shape, and form, would mean the end of the relationship. That just clearly violated our non-negotiables.
Get more information.
There are times when we make decisions, but don’t have all the available information that we can use. We may end up making subpar decisions just because we didn’t do our due diligence, and because we didn’t do enough research.
It’s about getting clear and finding out information that can influence your decision, and get you closer to what you want to happen.
Now, we won’t be able to get all the information in the world about whatever decision we need to do, and that’s a good thing. Just find out and know the information that is crucial for you to make the decision, and to make sure you get to your end in mind.
And with the internet, there’s so much more information at your fingertips. The danger with all of the information freely available, is which one do you listen to?
Ask experts you trust.
To help you make your decisions, go and ask subject matter experts you trust.
It’s better if they are experts in their field or their niche, but you have to trust and believe in them that they know their stuff, and that they are their to fully help you, and not steer you away from your end goal.
Go for people you feel would be a great fit for the information you’re seeking. You’re seeking for information you don’t have, and you’re seeking for help to curate all the information out there.
This doesn’t mean you have to trust everything that they say, but be willing and ready to be open to the information you would receive.
Have an abundance mindset.
Many times, the difficulty in making decisions would be the fear of losing out.
We have been scripted by our upbringing and the environment we live in, that to gain one thing, we must lose another. That resources and opportunities are scarce in the world, and there is only so much to go around.
That thinking will only serve to limit your options, and make you blind to the many other opportunities out there.
The abundance mindset says that here is more than enough to go around. More than enough money, love, opportunities, breaks, happiness, and chances.
That thinking doesn’t put us thinking in terms of “or”, but rather, in terms of “and”. That we can get all that we want. Maybe not right now, but there is always a way.
Start thinking in terms of “and”, and don’t get caught making tradeoffs where you can actually go for all the options.
Measure against objective criteria.
We did this when we were looking for a place to live. So we wouldn’t get caught up in just one aspect we liked in a place, or the kindness of the broker or owner, we came up with an objective criteria with which we rated each place we looked at.
This prevented us from being swept in the current mood of the moment, and from fixating too much on how nice the place was, or how low the price was.
Decisions are rarely one-dimensional, and there are several factors that can be weighed and come into play with each situation and decision.
For those who want more details, we actually did a weighted average score, where certain criteria weighed more than other criteria, saying that we found certain criteria more important than others. For example, accessibility was 25% of our total score, whilst the spaciousness of the place was only 20%.
The objective criteria can serve to also clarify what are the non-negotiables you would be looking for, and what are the important factors that you have to be watching out for when making the decision.
Trust your gut.
Some decisions fare well against structured and objective criteria, but there are some decisions where you have to listen to your feelings, and trust what you “gut”, what you “inner you” is trying to say to you. Where or what are you being drawn towards?
Because not all decisions can be set against objective criteria.
Who to love?
Who you want to become?
What problems do you want to solve?
What is to be you life’s work?
The information and objectivity is great, especially when it comes to planning and execution; coming up with action steps to get to your destination.
But as for the decision on vision, mission, love, where you want to go, become, do? That’s more feeling, discernment, inner listening.
What will it take to make it happen?
This is a question of execution and action. To make what you want a reality, what has to happen? And what do you have to do?
Because our end goal, and the impact of our decisions, can take years to bear fruit. We also have to ask what it will take to sustain the efforts and commitment to the decision, and are we willing to do all that it takes, and maybe, some more than that?
Is it really feasible? Or are we just daunted by the enormity and difficulty of the goal? Of how far our present situation is from the end picture?
This helps make the decision, because then the big end-goal decision can be supported by many smaller, daily decisions, which all lead to the end goal.
This helps you come up with a more sustainable and rock-solid decision, as well.
Be calm and at peace.
Never make a major decision when your feeling angry, sad, panicked, frazzled. Never make a major decision when your emotions are on the extreme, when you can’t control yourself.
Too often, our judgement is clouded by these emotions, and we forget to keep what’s important and all the other factors in view. Tunnel vision is all too true.
It’s best to make major decisions under calm and peace. When in the stillness of yourself, you are able to choose a decision that makes you at peace, and that you think and feel, is the best decision.
You are able to look farther and wider, and consider what’s truly important, not what’s just important to appease the emotions you’re under.
Here’s a bonus tip:
Imagine yourself in the future.
Imagine having made a decision, and imagine. Imagine yourself living out the consequences of the decisions. What does that look like? What does that feel like? What would the impact on your life? Ont he lives of your loved ones, on those closest to you? How will that affect your mission in life, and your life’s work? Will you be better off? Worse off? Will it matter at all?
By imagining the consequences, we can get a glimpse into the future, and how we will feel about the consequences and impact of the decision that we will make.
And sometimes, even show us a better way to do things. Maybe what we’ve been choosing between, isn’t really a choice after all. Maybe you can even have both!
Imagine yourself living out the consequences of your decision, vividly. Take note of your thoughts and feelings.
Make a decision.
These are just 10 ways (plus a bonus one) that can help you make decisions. You don’t have to use all of them, just what what seems to fit the situation best, and what’s only needed, or what would work best for you.
Just remember, decisions are there to be made, not to be just stared at and revisited.
Make a decision, and keep moving forward in life.
Do you have any other tips to help you make decisions? Please share in the comments below!
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