Because I’m not ready.
Because I want to stay where I am.
I want to go somewhere safer.
Not realizing, that eventually, the only safe option is to move forward.
We can be confused by long reasons and excuses, stories that go on and on. But we’re most afraid of the simplest, in-your-face answers.
Answers that scream the undeniable truth.
What’s 5 answers that we’re afraid of, but shouldn’t be?
I don’t know
By chance, I met someone who used to work for me. She was a really talented, smart, and gifted person, and she could choose to do anything with her life.
And yet, she feels stuck. Stuck not because of lack of options, but because she doesn’t know.
And it irritates her not to know. As if she can’t accept that fact, and that it was shameful for her to tell me that she still didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life, and that she still didn’t know, with certainty.
She couldn’t accept the fact that she didn’t know, and always made some effort to know, pushing much too hard for her to feel and take stock if what she was doing was “it”.
It felt as if she had to know everything. And for her, and me, it’s paralyzing to think about, what if I didn’t know what I had to know?
I’ve been in her situations many times, and it still happens. I refuse to accept the fact that I don’t know, because then, what will that make me? What will that make me look in front of other people?
I’m stopping myself. By not accepting and facing the truth of “I don’t know”, I’ll never be open enough to actually know, and to take steps to find out.
The avoidance of “I don’t know”, only serves to strengthen the reality that I don’t know.
Even when I don’t want to not know.
Don’t be afraid of not knowing. Be afraid of not caring to find out.
“This is not it”
A life trap of mine, is staying too long in situations that don’t serve me. Usually out of some obligation, responsibility, or need for service.
This gets me in situations where I know I can perform, but I have no joy, excitement, or interest in doing. Pure drudgery.
Even when it’s in the service of other people. Sacrifice, is what it is, but when all you can think about is sacrifice, then you’ve already lost.
I especially don’t want to come to terms with this answer, that what I have, where I’m at, and what I’m doing, “is not it”, because then, how would that make me feel about all the time, energy, resources, that I’ve poured?
But that’s a sunk cost fallacy – that just because I’ve invested so much, means that eventually it’ll work, or that I can’t leave, abandon, change what I’m doing.
I’ve invested far too much to let go.
You know what? What you’ve invested, is nothing compared to the freedom of positive possibilities that can happen once you’ve freed yourself of the shackles of being something that’s “not it”, especially if it’s “not it” for you.
No shame in admitting something’s not for you.
Do it to make space for what you want more.
No
I’m so afraid of this.
I realize that all my years of avoiding this answer, has brought me the most frustration and regret.
I was always too afraid to ask, because I might get a no.
Paralyzing myself beyond the point of reason, because it didn’t make sense if I were an objective third person, and yet, there I was, struggling to meet people, ask questions, ask for the sale, and ask for help.
Because I might get the dreaded no.
Of course not. I won’t be able to please everyone, and that person’s no, is another no closer to getting to another person who would say yes.
At least, it would be valuable practice for me.
And so, I practice receiving and staying strong and persistent in the face of NOs.
Yes
Other than no, here’s another answer that I was also afraid of, unexpectedly.
And I only found out when what I was dreaming about was handed to me on a silver platter.
I had an offer to work with one of the top 100 coaches in the world, a pioneer in the coaching industry, as well as other top coaches in my country.
I liked them, and and they seemed to like me. I’ll never forget the first email I received from them inviting me to assist and co-facilitate a workshop.
I trembled in fear.
I was afraid of saying yes, of failing, of not doing good enough. I wanted to stay in my safe cocoon. I didn’t want to move forward, hurt by the past experiences of failure, and pain.
But again, the only safe option is to move forward.
I imagined slogging it out for several years before getting the offer, but when the offer came, and it didn’t coincide with my image, my paradigm and plan, I hesitated.
Thank God I had enough awareness to check myself, and say yes.
I have no choice
I shouldn’t be afraid of this answer. Because it isn’t true.
What I am afraid of, is when people, or I, begin to hear this play on loop in our heads.
Having no choice is an illusion. You always have a choice. You always have a say.
Even if it’s how to interpret, take, process, and give meaning to a situation that you’re facing.
Because that’s the most powerful choice that you can make, and that power can never be taken away from you.
You can choose to accept these answers, and build a new, and better future, or you can choose to stay locked in your reality, but not moving forward.
What will your choice be?
What’s something you’ve been avoiding for the longest time? Please share in the comments below!
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