Even when it comes to life and relationships, it’s not always about adding.
It’s also about subtracting. Getting rid of the shit of your life.
What’s in your life right now, that you’d be better off without?
That includes people and relationships too. Not all of them are helpful, healthy, and worth the investment.
How then, do you get rid of the people you don’t want in your life?
Get clear on your reason
The thing is, the people that we want out of our lives, can be the same people that we spend a lot of time with.
They can be people that we’re very emotionally invested in – family, friends, wives, husbands, and whoever else close enough to count.
But then, what is the reason why you want them out of your life?
There were people I didn’t want in my life, simply because they tore me down. I could do no right for them, and it always felt like I was trying to meet their expectations, or they weren’t supportive enough.
Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Not when these are people you’ve known for so long, and have based your self-esteem and self-worth on their approval.
Classic combination for disaster. Keeping toxic and unhealthy relationships in your life.
There were people that I didn’t want to meet up with, for the moment, because they reminded me of a lot of bad memories of the past, and I wasn’t ready to face those memories, yet.
And then, there’s people that are just plain confusing to be with, and just toxic. Energy vampires who suck the life out of you.
Get clear on the reason, and it becomes easier to leave those people alone, and to turn them away when they come knocking on your door.
Spend less time with them
Because it’s the contact and time spent with them that ultimately determines their effect and impact on you.
I find ways to spend less time with them, so that every minute less you spend with these people, is another minute you gain to build yourself up, higher.
Avoid contact, and strategize ways not to be in the same place as them.
And for the moments when you do have to spend time with them, find ways to minimize – arrive early, leave early, or be late, and still leave early.
Make plans around the time when you have to absolutely be in their presence.
Your mental health and self-identity should be a top priority. Learning to give yourself self-care, is also recognizing the people in your life that don’t give you the care that you need, maybe at this critical point in your life.
Spend less time with them.
Don’t contact them
Or, if it’s a must, don’t contact them so often.
If you want to spend less time with these people, you have to avoid making the first contact, or if you do need to make first contact, make it short, sweet, and painless.
Mute notifications from them, and if they are really annoying and toxic, block them. Avoid receiving their messages entirely.
Take control of the channels of communication you use. They are there for your own benefit, and not just because anybody can have free access to you.
Send a signal that you don’t want to spend time with them, and that you don’t want any prolonged contact with them.
Keep replies short and to the point. If not relevant, and then don’t reply at all.
Draw the line
Now, these toxic people are toxic for a reason – mainly because they don’t realize the negative effects that they are having on other people.
And for me, and for you, don’t just allow people to do these behaviors to you. You have to be able to draw the line, and learn to tell people no.
And learn to stick by your no.
tell people nicely that their behavior isn’t helping, and what is it making you feel.
It’s hard. That’s the next level of maturity to distance yourself, and say these things, especially to deeply emotionally enmeshed relationships.
Then again, no is still no, and remember, that you always have a choice.
And learn to choose yourself. To take care of yourself.
Draw the line. Stop the abuse.
Subtraction, not addition
Because if there were less toxic and negative people in your life, then you’d be happier, stronger, wiser, and in much better shape.
People that support you, accept you, and empower you, rather than people who tear you down, judge you, and try to control you.
Positive people in, and negative people, out.
How do you get the people you don’t want in your life, out? Please share your experiences or challenges in the comments, below!
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