I thought I was invincible, that I was fearless.
Turns out, I just got a breath of fresh air, but I’m still running from imaginary demons.
And I’m surprised just by how much power they can have over me, beat into my body from years of repetition and accidental conditioning.
What am I still afraid of, which many among my generation still fear as well?
Not fulfilling potential
Because it’s a fun story to remember, until the meaning sinks in. Until the comparison kicks in.
When I was younger, I got compliments for a lot of what I did. I did my work really well, and people wanted to hire me, telling me that I was a high potential employee, and they wanted to groom me for leadership.
Fast forward several years later, and I’m nowhere near as good as what they foresaw, and nowhere closer to what I wanted to achieve in life.
I’m afraid that the compliments that people tell me, won’t apply to me doing what I need to do to achieve my dreams in life.
I’m afraid of not being able to measure up and fulfill the potential that other people believe that I have.
That I may not see at times, because of all the failure and rejection that’s currently going on.
I’m afraid of not measuring up to the standards that I have set for myself, inspired by the potential and greatness that others see in me.
Enough
I’m afraid of not having enough, and of not being enough.
It’s a struggle. To believe in abundance, and to let go, and let your resources, money, and skills and talents flow, versus to hoard, focus on getting what’s due me, and go for more, more, and even more.
There’s still scarcity mentality lurking in the shadows inside of me.
When I feel I don’t have enough, I become selfish, I scrimp, I’m less generous, and all my focus and thoughts turn inward. I cut back on giving, to others, and to myself.
But this only serves to tie me down, and limit my growth in the long run. I cut back, and this affords me less opportunities, and less chances.
As compared to being more generous and abundant. To let your time, money, and resources flow in and out. As you grow in this mindset, you find there’s more and more opportunities that come your way, and you get more.
But it’s scary. There’s a gap where you’ve just started, things aren’t working, you give so much of yourself, and then you’re not even sure it’s going to work.
I’m also afraid of the unknown, and of putting in so much effort, and then failing in the end. Because that becomes a label, even when it shouldn’t be.
What will the future hold for me?
It’s easier to focus on the short term. On what’s going to happen a month from now, maybe even two weeks.
But 5, 10 years? That’s too far away, and that’s hard to imagine.
I’m afraid of what’s to come, especially when my fear of the future is compounded with me not being able to reach my potential, and worrying if I will ever have enough.
And it’s not just on a personal level,but on a global, societal level as well.
The world right now is changing fast. So fast, that we have no idea where we will all be, and what we will all be doing come 50 years from now. We can only guess and dream.
When you’re unsure of where to go, and what you”re doing now, has no clear correlation to your life’s mission, and what destination you want to end up in, then it’s easy to become fearful of the future.
Judgements
Because of social media, Facebook, Instagram, and the internet, we have all turned into a world of armchair judges, quick to drop the hammer on what we see or experience through our screens.
We get judged by others, through what we post, what we share. It becomes a way of buffing up our self-esteem, and of comparing ourselves with others.
And that’s where the fear creeps in, when we begin comparing ourselves to others by what we see on social media, and we fear missing out on what other people are doing.
So we stay safe, we try to blend in, do what others are doing, to be accepted, for our message to be digested and taken in by others.
And we judge. Hard. Same as what other people do to us.
And that’s something I fear. I just want to be me, authentic, the way I am, and yet, the world would at times, have none of it, and try to force you into a mold of other’s making.
It’s hard.
Not having a purpose
Because of young people like me, more than the security, more than the paycheck, is having a purpose.
An important purpose to guide my life, and what I do, and how I make an impact.
If there is no compelling why to my life, then any how or what becomes meaningless.
I’ll just be drifting through life.
What are you still afraid of, even if you’ve done something to shake it? Please reply in the comments below!
Leave a Reply