Is Selfishness That Bad?

Is it bad to look out for your own self-interest?  To fulfill your wants and desires?

When does the line between service for others, and taking care of yourself begin?

Is selfishness that bad?

 

The overglorification of selflessness

I live in a country, and was brought up, basically believing that to be selfish is bad, and to be selfless is good.

There wasn’t even a gray area then, it was all black and white.

So then if you weren’t willing to give up material possessions, time, energy, emotions, and maybe, even relationships, then you were thought to be selfish, and thus, bad.

I remember our TV always being filled up with villains who looked out for their own self-interest, and there would always be the poor, but generous, hero fighting to make a living from the evil, rich, selfish man.

Way to brainwash a whole nation and generation.

So what happens next?

One of the conversations that my generation then has, is how guilty it is to do things for themselves, and to say no to other people.

It’s as if people expect you to be selfless, to sacrifice your own good for their sake.

The worst part?  They’ll say that they don’t expect it, but criticize you afterwards behind your back.

It then becomes hard to say no to people, because precisely every single day of my life, this was the sort of emotional manipulation and conditioning that I had to endure.

So then, either embrace the culture and bend to its will, or stand up against it, and maybe be happier in the process, despite the labels and non-acceptance your family, peers, and maybe society, will rain down upon you.

Tough choice.

What is selfishness, anyway?

Because whenever you look out for your own benefit, people label you as selfish.

But, in a way, there are different types of selfishness.  (OK, I don’t really want to use that word, but for the lack of a better term, and for easier explaining, I will.)

You can be selfish, and have a negative effect on other people.  When I say negative, that means that you are robbing them of what is rightfully theirs, of what they deserve.

Think of a greedy businessman not paying workers a proper wage, to save money for himself.  That’s bad selfishness.  It gets in the way of other people, and of the common good.

Then, there’s selfishness, that’s focusing on yourself, but not really affecting others.  Like taking time alone.  The time is there for you to recharge, rest, and take care of yourself, yet, it doesn’t affect other people.

Then, there’s the good selfishness, which gets confusing because all my life I’ve been taught that selfishness is wrong.

So if you want alone time, because it will be good for you, and will recharge you, enabling you to do more things, but toxic people show up and want to spend time with you.  What happens?

The traditional definition of selflessness would be to spend time with them, because I’m taught to be generous with my time, and you never know, they might really need me.

Of course, we all know how that turns out for me – guilty, sad, frustrated, and resentful.

Interesting to me that a lot of the self-help books in the past few decades focus on one thing to take care of yourself.

It’s to put yourself first – and it’s said in so many different ways.

Self-care

Self-care, is the selfishness that allows you to keep on giving.

It’s taking care of your needs, so that you can continue to give and be generous, not at the expense of your own welfare and well-being.

Are you giving freely?  Or are you giving out of obligation and the need to be accepted?

Take care of yourself, so that you can take care of others.

The greatest I learned about self-care?

It’s not to be guilty to take care of myself.

It’s to never be emotionally manipulated out of taking care of myself.

 

What’s selfishness for you?  Please share in the comments below!