It’s Never Really “Just Saying”

“You didn’t put enough salt on your omelette.  Just saying.”

“I don’t think you should be doing that.  Just saying.”

Yeah, right.

It’s never really “just saying.”

That’s an outright lie.

 

It’s a thinly veiled complaint.

Whenever I would catch myself “just saying” things, it’s because I don’t have the bravery, or the balls, to actually just come out and complain, or say what I mean to another person’s face.

It’s a way of hiding negativity and complaints, and trying to state that as a fact.

But there’s so much more that goes on in there, than what we try, what we want, to let on.

I used to think that whenever I would attach the phrase “just saying” to any fact I was saying, it was supposed to make what I said objective, and that it would not be aimed at anyone, or anything.

It wasn’t supposed to be a complaint.  I was just saying it.

Why the hell would you be saying it out aloud?  For my knowledge?  So what?

It’s negativity, trying to wrap itself around a blanket of objectivity and “it’s-not-about-you-but-if-you-get-affected-it’s-not-my-problem”.

And like complaints, when I do this, I’m also attracting negativity and crap into my life.

 

It’s not direct communication.

One time, my cooking got the “it’s salty, just saying.” comment.

So what was that supposed to be, a public service announcement?

When this happens, more miscommunication and confusion can come out.

In that case, it’s becoming clear to me that you don’t like what I cooked.  Why not just come out and say it?

Maybe, because you don’t want to hurt me, but you still want your piece to be heard.

So I get that comment, being said like it’s a fact (Note: it’s an opinion!),

Well, in my experience, that hurt more, than just being told outright what you would like to say to me.

Why make it unclear, and leave me to figure it out?  Just say it straight to my face, in a nice and respectful way.

Surely you can do that right?

But parents, society, has taught to always be nice, and this includes not making negative comments to other people.

If that’s the case, then why don’t we just keep quiet?

If we don’t keep quiet, then say our message clearly, humbly, positively, and confidently.

None of that roundabout, underhanded, unclear ways to say what you want.

 

Just get straight to the point.

It took me years to learn this lesson.  That being straight to the point, doesn’t mean you turn into a mean-ass person.

It just means you’re mature enough to make your message clear, and to be open to listening to other people as well.

The difficulty with “just saying”, is that it leaves too much room for interpretation, specifically about what was really supposed to be the message, and whether something needs to be done about it.

It’s the equivalent of saying “it’s just a joke.”

And then, people tell me that jokes are half meant.

That’s a lie.

We all know the truth.  Jokes are fully meant.  People mean it.

It’s just that people are close enough, respect each other enough, and trust each other enough, to know that there’s no malicious intent behind it.

Focus on what is clear, and just get straight to the point.  Say it in a nice way, as well, without being roundabout, indirect, or not being confident in what you have to say.

Be clear.

Be respectful.

Be direct.

Also, listen well.  Listen to what people are trying to tell you, and clarify if there’s something that’s not clear to you.

Don’t assume.

 

It’s never really “just saying”.

Or, “it’s just a joke”

In the moment, people don’t think, and their feelings come out.

I had to figure out how to be self-aware, so then I catch myself when I’m actually feeding the negativity trolls inside of me, or when I’m not confident enough to be direct with my message.

It’s also about how we feel other people might take us.

We care too much about what they think of us, and try to evade a negative judgement by saying “just saying”, or “just joking”.

When all that’s doing, is actually making people take us less seriously.

Be direct, respectful, positive, and humble.

Then, people will take what you say seriously.

Focus on your message, and not so much about what other people might think about your message.

Don’t hide it underneath negativity and avoidance.

Get your truth out there.

 

Have you ever been prone to saying “just saying”?  Please share in the comments below!