Another day came and went. All day long I could hear and feel it.
All day long, even just in my head, I did nothing but complain. I did nothing but whine. About how my life was, and how I couldn’t get a break, and that everyday was just like this, and that where I was now had no future, and it wasn’t what I liked.
I was literally a cloud of gloom, a rolling heavy ball off negativity. People didn’t like being around me, which suited me just fine then, because I didn’t like being around them either.
I was sure that I didn’t want the life I had. But now, when I look back and try to remember what was it that I wanted, it wasn’t all that clear either.
Yeah sure I had a one or two sentence answer, something like “I wanted a business.”, or “I wanted a job where I could use my abilities.”
But what was it about those things that I really wanted? Did that mean I would just take any business or any job that fell into my lap?
I wasn’t so sure.
It’s similar to the many before-dinner conversations I have had with my wife-to-be, Victa. I’m the type of guy who’s really not picky with where he eats or what he eats.
I mean, I watch what I eat now, but then, I was a terrible glutton. I just ate almost whatever was put in front of me.
And so in the times I don’t have a particular craving for a specific kind of cuisine or food (which is often,) I ask the question to Victa: “Where do you want to eat?”
“I don’t know…” She replies.
“What about Chinese food?”
“I don’t like Chinese food tonight.”
“Hmm ok, what about Indian?”
“No! Too spicy! And weird!” (but I like Indian food!)
“How about the chicken place nearby?”
“I don’t like it there…”
And so it continues on and on. There are days where it’s a struggle deciding where, because I don’t know what she likes, and she doesn’t know what she likes. And she doesn’t want to eat where I want to eat. What a dilemma.
And you know what? That was the same dilemma I had with my life, and where it was going.
I didn’t know what I wanted.
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Stop focusing on what’s wrong
We humans are creatures of habit. And what we repeatedly do, over time, becomes easier for us, and more natural for us, to do. Unfortunately, that also includes what can harm us: vices, addictions, and unhealthy practices.
One of worst habits we could have is always focusing on what’s wrong.
Now I’m not saying not to acknowledge that things can go wrong, that there can be room for improvement. Yes you’ve got to be prepared, and you’ve got to have back-up plans ready. That’s because you’re doing it with the intent to improve, not with the intent to tear down, to make yourself feel better why you don’t have something else better. There’s a difference there.
Always focusing on what’s wrong trains you to looking for what’s lacking, what you don’t have, and what you can’t do. It gets you looking for what’s not there, what the reasons are that something, or someone, is inadequate and imperfect.
Over time, you only get better at finding what’s wrong.
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Focus on what’s right
By focusing on what’s right in a given situation, or in anyone, you are finding ways to appreciate what’s there, and what could be.
It’s like finding little victories. Those little things, compounded over time, will change how you live your days, and ultimately, how you will live your life.
This fills you up with positive energy, and gets you seeing possibilities no matter the situation. It’s a practice. It’s taken step by step, especially when you’re coming from a deep and devastating negative experience, such as me. But then again, there were many right things that happened to me then, and I am thankful for many things, and people, that sprang from those circumstances.
One of the practices I did to recover from failure, was to notice and identify at least one thing that was right and that I was thankful for. I did this first thing when I woke up, and last thing before I went to sleep.
It felt really corny at first, and there were days when I just had to identify something, although I didn’t really completely feel it was right, nor did I feel really grateful for it.
I realize now that was me focusing on what was wrong, and that was me slowly developing the muscles of finding what’s right, and being grateful.
There will always be something right in the world, and it’s up to us if we will be grateful for it, and let that feeling power us, or to be ingrates, find what’s wrong, and let that negative energy and belief pull us down.
Little by little, focus on what’s right.
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Focus on what you want
My life drastically changed when I started dreaming again. Imagining, visualizing the life that I am going to live, what I would be doing, what kind of impact I want to have, and how I would go about achieving all of that.
To focus on what you want, means getting clear on what you want.
Figure out what is it that you want. Want to do, want to have, and want to be. How would you live out your days? What would you be doing? Who would be the people around you? Where are you? What do you have? How are you feeling?
Get really clear on what you want. Ask yourself the questions: What would it mean for you to have all of that? What would your life be if you knew you had the capability to get it all but didn’t?
You might not feel you have the capability at this moment, but if you keep going for it, you’ll get there. You’ll get to the point where you’re confident you have the capability. Because you’ve always had it in you. The capability to get what you want.
Because you have the capability to go get and make your dreams a reality, how much of a loss and disaster would that be if you weren’t able to make it a reality? If you’re not at least heavily affected or scared by that thought, then either what you want isn’t really, really important, or you’re just a really good liar.
Focusing on what you want attunes you to opportunities that will help you get them. Gets you recognizing and doing the steps you can take to make it a reality. To build what you want.
And to get to building what you want, means you get to building yourself first. Not the other way around.
Focusing on what was wrong only served to pull me down. Focusing on what was right taught me to be grateful, to look for the good and possibility in life. Focusing on what I wanted, and on how much I wanted it, got me taking steps towards making that a reality.
Get clear on what you want. Focus on what you want.
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Have any tips on focusing on what you want or getting clear with what you want? Please share a comment below!
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