Let me get straight to the point:
All this time, I thought I had my ego and pride under check, but recently, I’ve discovered the hidden and underhanded ways it still sabotages me and my life.
What are the unknowing ways that our ego is sabotaging us?
False Humility
I used to think that I was a pretty humble guy, and that right there, is telling of a problem, already.
I thought that being humble was about downplaying yourself.
It meant not taking and accepting compliments, and selling yourself short.
Humility always meant saying “No” when given opportunities, especially ones that would sort of give you a “leg up” over others.
I always thought that it was honorable to be the one with big achievements, like having completed a difficult assignment, and then being given opportunities, and lauded by my peers.
And me being the shy, unassuming person who would always say no, that the praise is undeserved, and would say no to the opportunities.
In the hopes of being forced to accept it.
Because the truth was, deep down inside, it wasn’t humility – not in the true, real, sense.
It was pride, pandering, fishing for compliments.
Everything I did, went against what real humility is – which is to be accepting of reality, and to never let your perceptions be larger, or unrealistic.
I once watched a good mentor of mine receive an award, and in effect, got to see a masterclass of humility, and in effect, true confidence.
He accepted the award, with all gratitude. He thanked those who had a hand in the achievement, but did not shy away from the praise, also saying that “praise for me and this achievement is praise as well for all those who supported me.”
Graciously, he accepted all compliments, and sincerely thanked all those who gave it, and looked them in the eye when doing so. He didn’t downplay himself, nor sell himself short, but instead, just was who he was, and allowed other people to see that too.
Authenticity, is a great sign of humility.
Being brave enough to accept the gift of compliments, opportunities, and praise, is also humility. Being brave to smile through it all, even though you feel you don’t deserve it, and you feel it should’ve been for others.
He involved other people in the praise, and was genuinely happy.
Praise and compliments are like gifts – people love it when their gifts are accepted and enjoyed by the recipient. Be humble enough to accept, and to give them the satisfaction of having given you a gift.
Which means, accepting you for who you are as well.
Fear and Lack of Confidence
I also thought giving in, and accepting your fears, and your current state of having no confidence, was humility.
Never have I thought that it would be ego and pride masquerading to sabotage me.
When I dug deep to figure out the reason why I’m afraid to do things, and why I lack confidence, it’s this:
Because I’m afraid of making a mistake.
And when I make a mistake, I’m afraid of what other people might say, what that would tell other people about me, and what that might tell me, about me.
If I wasn’t afraid of what other people will say, or what failure might have for me, then I’d have gone and done it anyway, no matter what the result.
Me choosing to stay put, and don’t try, or not to attempt, because of the fear, and lack of confidence, is me protecting my ego.
It’s my ego, telling me to stop, and not to try, because “what will it make you look if you try and fail?”
But there can be no success without trying.
Saying “NO” to yourself can actually be a choice made with pride and ego in mind, especially when we feel that there’s failure at the end of the tunnel.
So then, we don’t try. Then nothing changes in our life, which then makes us real failures.
It’s our ego preventing us from growing, trying, and succeeding.
Don’t let ego get in the way
Go out there, and do. Fail. Learn.
It doesn’t serve you, your loved ones, or the world, when you play small, and say no to yourself.
When you hide to protect your ego from the failures that can shatter it.
Because true humility, is not having an ego; not letting it rule you decisions, and your life.
It can be scarier to face what is the real truth, rather than hiding behind the ego and image we have for ourselves.
But it’s the only way to move forward.
Any ways you have found out how ego is sabotaging you? Kindly share in the comments below!
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