You Are The Average Of The 5 People You Spend The Most Time With

You can tell a lot about a person by the company that they keep.  Who they are, what they do, what they have fun doing, what they want in life, and how they interact with others.  Even how they see themselves.

“Birds of the same feather, flock together,” as the old adage goes.

We all have this basic human instinct to belong.  Hundreds of years of evolution have basically taught us that we need others around us to live. Others to interact with, others to be with.  It’s natural for us to be around, and to interact with others.

That’s why solitary confinement is such torture, and loneliness so painful.

We belong to families, tribes, organizations, communities, nations, races, and all of humanity.

Most of all, we belong to ourselves.

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You Are the Average of the 5 People You Spend The Most Time With

                                                                                                                                                                      – Jim Rohn

On the first day on meeting them, I felt awkward and out of place.  I didn’t know what to say, what to do, and what they were expecting me.  Typical new kid on the block scenario.

Fast forward around twelve years, and we could almost finish each other’s sentences, have a pretty good idea about what another person’s thinking, and are honest and openly talk about almost any topic under the sun.

I have a good gauge on what these guys believe in, because of all of the time we spent together.  And I’m confident they also have a good idea on what I believe in.

That’s the power of time spent together.  After spending a lot of time together, not only will you start to look the same, and have the same gestures, but maybe, even how you look at the world will be similar.

We humans have a natural talent for mimicry.  That’s how we learned to walk and talk, by imitating all the adults around us walking and talking.

And that talent, also extends to how we see the world, what we believe in, and what we do.

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Beliefs and values are caught, not taught.

From the time we were small children, much of what we’ve learned came from our surroundings.  What we experience, see, hear, feel, and do.

And we also learn from what happens to us after, or the consequences of having and expressing those beliefs, feelings, and actions.

Ever drew on the walls with crayons? Well, some of us might have gotten a spanking for that.  And that experience, taught us SOMETHING.

And that something can be miles and miles apart! From “Don’t draw on the walls.” to “Drawing is not a good thing to do! Drawing is EVIL!”  Of course I’m exaggerating, but what we learn is all depending on what we experienced.

I’ve heard from a colleague, that one of the fastest ways to find out a company’s culture, and what they deem important, is to find out what employees and staff in the company are getting chewed out for.

That’s right, what behaviors get reprimanded, and what gets praised.  Tells you TONS about what’s really important.

And if you spend a lot of time there, which obviously means you’ve learned to survive, you’ll slowly do what gets you praised, and avoid what gets you reprimanded.  You’ll learn the ropes, and begin to “fit in,” or act like it, so to speak.

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Repetition and duration, works.

Meaning, the more times you repeat it, and the longer you keep doing it, the stronger you’ll believe in it.

Over time, what you keep on saying, and what you keep on hearing takes root and power over you mind, body, heart, and spirit.

There is a concept used in meditation called a “mantra.”  A sound or phrase uttered repeatedly in prayer and meditation.

What we keep on hearing, and what we keep on saying, becomes “mantras,” or instruments of thought, as the original Sanskrit meaning of the word says.

So if we’re always around people who keep saying

“There’s nothing I can do about it,” or

“That’s just the way it is,” or how about

“I can’t…”

Sooner or later, you’ll be bound to believe them.

And, if we spend a lot of time with people who keep saying

“There’s always something I can do,” or

“It’s going to be a great day!,” or how about

“I can!”

You know what? Even if you don’t feel that way, sooner or later,

you’ll be bound to believe them.

So which one do you want? Negativity or Possibility?

It’s your choice. It’s your vote.

And you vote by choosing to spend time with people who see more negativity or more possibility.

Vote wisely.

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Thank God we can choose who we spend our time with.

And thank God we don’t have to stay the same.  We can become better persons.

Because we might be looking for people who are more positive than us, better than us, more inspiring than us, to be with,

but what if they don’t want to be around us?

Change is our friend here, change.

For picking the people we want to spend the most time with, is not only an exercise in feeling good, but rather, it’s part of a process of becoming better.

You don’t get what you want first, then become the person you want to be.  It doesn’t work that way.

You become the person you want to be, THEN you start to get what you want.

If you want to become a millionaire, then it all starts with cultivating the mindset, beliefs, habits, and actions that a millionaire has.

Think about it. Athletes don’t get a gold medal first, then become great athletes with great physical fitness.  They cultivate the physical fitness and become great athletes, before they can even begin to have a shot at getting the gold medal.

And this is the seed of truth in the quote I share with you:

“It’s all about BEING in this world.  Be the person you want to be, to get the life you want.”

 

 

 

 

 

Sources:

Picture from Peanuts Comics, by Charles M. Schultz