This is the second part of the article. You can read the first part here, which contains the first three lies.
People are born the way they are
“That’s just the way I am. Take it or leave it!”
And so, we grew up believing that people are a certain way, and that there is no way of changing their behavior, because that’s just the kind of person they are.
Like we’re animals. Like the scorpion that rode on the frog’s back to cross the river, yet still stung the frog, because it was its nature to sting.
But we’re not animals.
We’re rational beings able to think, reason, and stand apart from one’s self. We’re not animals who rely on instinct alone.
But yet, we believe that there are people who are naturally predisposed to be kind, smart, forgiving, understanding, mean, selfish, humble, or entitled. That it’s in their nature to be that way.
And that’s an outright lie.
It’s saying that you’re giving up control of your behavior, reactions, and growth, to your accidental history, to your conditioned responses taught to you by your past experiences.
People are not born the way they are, they experience, they are taught to be the way they are, whether they are aware of it or not.
Our beliefs, our behaviors, initially are formed from our time as a child, growing up, through school, through our parents and primary caregivers.
So when people say “that’s the way I am”, what they’re really saying is “I’ve lived for so long believing and reacting this way, it’s become part of who I am, and that I can’t see any possibility how I can change.”
It’s the laziness shutting off possibility.
The capacity of a person to adapt and change is limitless, especially a person’s mind.
People are not born with fixed potential. People are born with the potential to grow.
And only you can tell yourself if you’ve hit your limit.
And we tell ourselves often that we’ve hit our limit, because we find it difficult, daunting, exhausting, and frightful, to change how we react, and who we are.
And we do this, because we have begun to associate who we are, our identity, to how we react and behave.
But we are more than our behaviors and reactions.
We can control, and change them.
Eat three full meals a day
When our ancestors were roaming the plains during prehistoric times, they didn’t have breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They had whatever they caught, when they caught it.
And most of the time, that wasn’t a lot, but sometimes, there would be a fantastic amount of gazelle. Or lion, or whatever it was that they caught then.
Our bodies evolved for that situation, where we had to store whatever food, energy, that we could as fat, if there was a surplus, and to efficiently use what little food we had then, to turn it into energy, to survive.
And that’s how we’ve done things for millions of years.
Then, cue the modern world, where food is aplenty, abundance is everywhere, and a bite is only a few convenient steps away from our grubby hands.
Our environment has changed drastically, but our bodies and physiology? Not.
We’re still bringing a lot of our primeval, wild brain, into an increasingly sophisticated, complex, modern world.
Now, there’s so much to take in, and so many things to consider and to juggle, not just where we’re getting our next meal.
With our increasingly sedentary lifestyles, our requirements for energy and calories decrease, which means, so does the food we need to take in.
But our hunger and appetites are also trained and is a result of learned behavior.
Meaning we learn to get hungry at the same time that we eat, everyday.
So if you were raised eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner, chances are, you tend to get hungry at those times, which is a conditioned response to having access to food at those times.
Only now, the calories are going to fat, because all we do is sit at a desk all day, rather than hunting for food, and escaping from predators.
For some time now, I’ve only been eating two meals a day, within a time period (it’s called intermittent fasting). And I’m still alive, and feel better than ever.
You don’t need to eat three full meals a day. That’s a lie.
You need to eat what’s right, helpful for your body, in the amount that’s right for you and your level of daily activity, to achieve what you want to achieve (whether it’s gaining or losing weight).
It’s not you, it’s me
No it’s not.
It’s always you.
Same goes for “I’m just not ready to be in a relationship”
Translation: I’m just not ready to be in a relationship WITH YOU.
It’s painful, and it sucks, but it’s reality.
What’s also painful is when people tell you not to take it personally.
But you’ll never experience a true, loving, relationship, without being vulnerable to the other person.
How we react to this line, or to anything, reveals to us our innermost beliefs, especially about ourselves.
Keep going, and keep on learning more about yourself, and growing and getting better.
People will tell you “It’s not you, it’s me” in an attempt to take care of your feelings.
That won’t do you any good.
But when people love you, they will tell you that it’s because of YOU, that they love you.
I need X, to get Y
Because we people tend to think in roundabout ways to get what we truly want.
We’re afraid of getting what we truly want.
“I need money to get happy”
“I need a business to get freedom”
“I need a love life to be complete”
“I need to learn copywriting to have an online business”
“I need to feel at peace, before I can take action”
All lies. All bullshit.
Because these are what we tell ourselves, when we don’t know how to get what we truly want. So we replace it with something we can more easily get, hoping that it will lead to our desired end result.
Smoke and mirrors.
If you want something, go get it, and figure out how to get it.
Get clear on what you really want, because if it was as simple as “I need money to be happy”, then you would’ve gotten it already.
It’s important to be clear on what specific end result you want, and not to think in a linear, this-then-that, fashion. That’s not how the world works.
You don’t need money to be happy. But you want money, right?
You don’t need business to have freedom.
You don’t need anyone else to be complete.
You don’t need to be a master copywriter to have an online business.
And you don’t need to be at peace, all your ducks in a row, to take action.
There are skills that cut across all of those. It’s the skill of getting clear on what you want, and finding ways to get that.
Finding ways to go after what you want, without building prerequisites.
Without building excuses.
Stop the bullshit
Stop believing all that you’re told, and figure out the truth for yourself.
Figure out what works, and what doesn’t.
We now live in a world where there is a lot of information, but not enough wisdom.
Find your wisdom.
And get clear on what works for you, and experiment what you can do differently, to push you forward and grow.
Stop the bullshit.
Find the truth.
What something you believed in for a long time, but isn’t true? Please share in the comments below, and let me know!