How We Get In Our Own Way (And Stop Ourselves In The Process)

The greatest obstacles lie not outside of us.

They lie, within us.

The walls we put up within ourselves, are those that stand the biggest and the strongest.

How do we get in our own way, and stop ourselves in the process?

 

Reality check

I wanted to escape from the pain and fear that I was experiencing, so I thought that everything would be alright.

To safeguard myself, for almost two years, I did nothing that would be too risky for me.

I thought I was being productive, but all I was doing was babying and taking care of my feelings, avoiding the truth and reality.

That failure is a part of life.

That the only way forward is to take action, and not just wait for your dreams to fall on your lap.

That relationships are built, strengthened, and maintained, and that they won’t stay constant.

But because I refused to see the truth for what it is, I didn’t improve and move forward in those two years.  I just stayed safe, and hoped that my problems would solve themselves and vanish.

Never happened.

We stop ourselves when we refuse to acknowledge what is the actual reality that we are experiencing, and to come to grips with what must be done in order to move forward.

Though the truth may hurt, accepting it and not denying it would be the fastest way to healing.

When we refuse to accept the facts of what is, to observe first, we hold ourselves back.

 

Believing there is only one way

This was a trap that I fell into many, many times – that there is only one way.

This doesn’t only mean the process and steps, but also the conditions that have to present, or perfect, in order to move forward.

I couldn’t get out of my own trap of helplessness after failing, because I believed that I had to feel good to do something, that I had to have money to move forward, that I had to have the right connections and friends to make things happen.

All of those, I didn’t have.  So I didn’t move.

There are many different ways to get what you want, and if one way closes down, there are many more ways to do it.

It all depends on your imagination, willingness, and openness.

It’s going to be beyond your comfort zone, but it’s a way to get what you want.

Even when you don’t have all that you need, or you don’t feel a hundred percent, you’ve got to keep moving and taking action.

It’s what separates the amateurs from the professionals – the ability to keep moving, even when conditions aren’t perfect, no matter the situation.

If you believe there is only one way to get your desired result, you’ll be trapped.

Expertise

The pressure, the imagined requirement to be an expert, to know everything, is another trap.

It’s a handicap we give ourselves because, at the heart of the matter, we don’t feel confident with what we’re about to do.

I was so afraid of being seen as untrustworthy, and not credible.  I said no to a lot of possible opportunities because I felt I would not be able to help them.

That I didn’t know better, yet.  I was still in training, and that I still had a lot to learn.

While that may be true, it is also true that I had insight and talent that could be used to help them, otherwise, they wouldn’t be approaching me in the first place.

I didn’t feel confident enough.

And while expertise and experience do lead to confidence, I’d never be fully prepared anyway.

There is always a risk to everything.  If you can’t embrace that, that’s perfectionism rearing its head.

There’s a better approach – to learn in public.  To tell people this is what you can do, and that you’ll find the answers along the way.

In some cases, this is a very powerful approach.  It tells people that you know something about the topic, more than them, and that you would be sharing with them, step by step, what you learn, and how to do it.

Even if you’re not an expert, keep learning, but keep doing as well.

Staying safe.

Because the world presents risks – which can either become obstacles or opportunities.

Your choice.

The cliché is that fortune favors the bold.  Because it’s true.

Those who take more calculated risks, are better for it, because they know just staying safe and still will not lead to any huge growth, gains, or forward motion.

If you stay where you are, yes you’re safe, but you won’t be growing, expanding, moving forward.

And if you’re not growing, you’re dying.

Staying safe, and not taking risks, is a sure way to do that.

Face the Truth

Even when it hurts.

Especially when it hurts.

Only by going through the pain and coming to peace, to terms with it, do you find the footing to move forward, leaving the negative behind.

And taking the lessons with you forward.

There’s plenty of obstacles that life will throw at you to stop you.

Don’t add to that burden.  Don’t get in your own way.

 

How do you stop yourself from getting what you want?  Please share in the comments below!