Where Does Confidence Come From?

We can all learn to be confident.

It is a quality which can be developed, a skill, a trait.

And yet, it is also a talent.  There are people born with it, whilst many, develop it.

Where does confidence come from?  And how can you have more of it yourself?

Mastery

I was in front of 74 people, having been put to the task of teaching them about leadership and empowering themselves.

And it was my first ever time to do such.

Needless to say, I didn’t do a good job of it.  And it had to do with the fact that I haven’t been doing it long, and that I realized something important:

I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about.

And because I didn’t really know what I was talking about, I didn’t feel confident talking about it.

Which meant, I didn’t come across, completely, authentically, confident about it.

Since then, I have been tasked to speak and teach about the same topic for maybe more than 80 times already, and now, I feel more confident to do it.

Which is to say that just knowledge isn’t enough.  You must also have the experience, which also helps you to attain mastery.

The more you know something – not just what it is, but how to do something, the more you feel confident.

Mastery leads to confidence.

Belief

Have you ever believed in something?  Had complete, total faith in something?

Back in college, I believed that the little organization that I was a member of could make big waves on campus, and could be a huge positive force for our advocacy, and in awakening social awareness among the student populace.

Grand?  Yes.

Realistic within a year?  Maybe not.  But it was important to get started.

I was so filled with this grand and empowering vision.  I was sharing it to whoever, and this belief pushed me to have confidence in myself, and to do whatever it took to make it a reality.

Up until then, I always considered myself to be the shy type.  Until I saw myself talking to tables and tables of strangers at our school cafeteria, inviting them to join our organization.

When you have belief in something, when you have faith in something, there is energy there.  It pushes you to move forward, and fills you up with confidence and power to do things you weren’t thought possible.

Faith, and Belief, leads to confidence.

 

Support and Encouragement

What if you don’t have mastery, and you don’t have a strong enough belief, what else can you do to gain confidence?

The first night I had to play guitar for a retreat, I had barely two sessions worth of practice playing along with the whole choir.  The choir’s mainstay guitarist told me that he’d come and play along with me, since it was my first time

He didn’t come.

I almost didn’t want to play, but hearing the heads and everyone else say that I could do it, and that they heard me from practice and believed that I could play well enough, pushed me to go for one song at first.

Then another, then another.

I’ve been playing with that same choir for more than 13 years.  A literal band of brothers.

I’ve always thought about it this way – If other people you trust and believe in, believe in you, and have faith that you can do it, and that you can come out on top, why can’t that be true?

The lack of confidence can stem from the negative self-talk that we give ourselves.  From the pains and the past experiences of failing and not getting things done.

But each new opportunity is exactly that – a new opportunity.  Unless you somehow manage to let that be influenced and blocked by the negative past that you have.

Pick the people you want to spend a lot of time with.  People who will support and encourage you.

And yes, calling out your bullshit, pushing you, and keeping you accountable, is also support and encouragement.  Tough love is also required to keep ourselves growing.

Support and encouragement leads to confidence.

 

Desperation

Because when there is no other option but to get it done, and to put on a smile while doing it, you do whatever it takes to make it happen.

Granted, this isn’t as long-term and as sustainable as the others, but in a pinch, desperate people driven by desperation do desperate things.

How does that happen?  When people desperately need to do something, all the negative self-talk shuts down, and the focus and attention is then put on what has to happen.

Instead of focusing on yourself, your feelings, thoughts, and self-talk, the focus shifts towards the action.

And when that happens, we begin to have confidence.

See, confidence is the faith that we’ll be able to bring about a result that we want.  It’s a quality, a being, and a presence that we have.

And when we have it, we aren’t second-guessing ourselves.

There is no room for doubt.

It is extreme, but it’s a clear example of how shifting focus can give us confidence.

Fake it ’til you make it?  Maybe it is, maybe not.

More like – Act ’til you become it.

And the times when I feel desperate, is when I’m being held accountable, and the consequences are dire.

Instead of avoiding it, embrace it instead.  There are lessons to be learned from desperation.

Desperation leads to confidence.

 

Build your confidence

Find what gives you confidence, and build more of them.

Build around them in your life, so that you may learn how to create confidence for yourself.

So that you may pass on the lessons, and in turn, create confidence for others.

Build, one brick at a time.

 

Where does your confidence come from?  Please share in the comments below!