Because there’s connection, and relationship.
Without us meaning to, we do things that hurt other people.
Especially the ones we love.
What are the some of the things we do, without meaning to, that hurt?
Because we love them, and they love us, we expect them to know out every thought and move, and to treat us the way we want to be treated.
And when that doesn’t happen, we throw a fit, we bitch about it, go into cold-war mode, and ignore them, and then hopefully get back together and hope that it’s all ok.
Or even something as simple as sleeping with the lights on, or off.
Or bringing something home, even when you’re not being told to.
But that’s a rare occurrence, like the planets aligning, or some mystical convergence of energy, body, and soul.
Not the bringing something home, or sleeping part.
The part where we expect others to know what we want, without even telling them.
Because it seems so obvious, right?! I grew up that way, so it’s common sense everyone should know!
I’d hate to burst your bubble, but that’s not true.
People don’t know, a hundred percent, what other people are thinking, and what they’re feeling.
And it’s dangerous to assume that you know.
It’s more dangerous to assume that people will automatically know how to treat you, and what to do.
Because we trust them to always be there, we take them for granted, and neglect them.
I am all too guilty of this. I realize that I haven’t been keeping in touch with friends that I have had since high school, and a lot of the close relationships I have, slowly, drift apart.
Because relationships, as with anything in life, take effort.
Put another way, it’s not only the neglect we do that hurts other people.
It’s the trust.
The trust we place in them, and in the relationship.
Because we trust other people so much, we trust them that they’ll be there for you when you need them, and when you do get in contact with them.
Even after 10 or so years of no contact.
And by then, you both would have grown into very different people.
Funny, how when we see people we haven’t seen for a long time, we still expect them to be the same person they were when you were both together frequently.
I guess we don’t handle change, too well.
Wanting to do it all for them
It sounds romantic, but it gets annoying, very quickly.
I see a lot of parents doing this nowadays. Fawning over their kids, trying to do everything for them, supervising, guiding, helping.
Also, hovering, protecting, shielding, disallowing, controlling.
Kids won’t learn that way. People won’t live that way.
Everybody has their own personal space, an autonomy, and the power and freedom that goes along with it.
People want more comfortable lives, not necessarily to have everything done for them.
But out of love, we try to do it all for our loved ones. In the hopes of showing our love for them.
But sometimes, true love, is letting go, and letting others find their way, build character, and strength.
It’s a balancing act. Probably the most delicate one there is.
And we don’t realize it, because we’re so caught up in trying to love and serve, that we don’t notice the signs of the other distancing themselves from us, trying to take off the chains that we have so unknowingly created, out of our acts of service and hovering.
Don’t do everything for them. Love them, in the way that they want to be loved, instead.
Secret habits of hurt
The disguise themselves as the ways we show love and care for other people.
Ways that come from our past experiences, our life story, our woundedness.
We don’t love all the same way.
So we shouldn’t expect other people to love the same way that we love.
You can beat other people to death, with love, in the name of love.
Face reality, face the truth.
And genuinely, love, in a freeing, accepting, way.
How do you find yourself hurting your loved ones? Please share in the comments below!