I’ve always wanted to do many things, but I realize that there were times where I was stopping myself.
Crazy, right? I mean, how can I stop myself from getting something that I want?
But this happens to me, and to us, without even us knowing it.
And usually, the reasons we have, the reasons we tell ourselves, are pretty damn convincing.
I won’t/can’t/shouldn’t do it, because I’m “not good enough”.
What are the two reasons people don’t feel they’re good enough?
The lack of capability and confidence
The first reason is that I don’t feel I can do it.
I’d rather not do it, or do it, get a mistake, and end up regretting it, or getting hurt.
I feel I don’t have the skills, and capabilities, at this point in time, with what I have now.
So then, we put things off. We procrastinate. We wait, and wait, and wait.
Until nothing happens.
I used to tell myself that I didn’t have enough experience to do what I do – to facilitate workshops, and coach people. I used to tell myself that that work was reserved for older people, preferably white-haired, retired ones.
Boy, how wrong I was.
Due to my frustration with where I was, when an opportunity came along to facilitate two leadership training and strategic planning workshops for two separate organizations, I said yes.
I said yes, with not a lot of experience, certainly without a lot of confidence. I didn’t have an outline, no activities ready, no materials on hand, and no slide deck to present.
What did I do then? Figured it out along the way.
In my readings, of various books, articles, and interviews, one common theme shows up about people who are able to do extraordinary things:
Even when they felt they didn’t have the capability, weren’t ready, or didn’t feel confident in themselves, they still jumped in.
Say yes to the opportunity, then figure things out along the way.
When I tell myself that I don’t have the capability, I am boxing myself in, and telling myself that I do not have the capability to figure it out, and to learn along the way.
I’m not respecting the talents, skills, and capabilities that I already have, and that I can still develop and grow.
When I tell myself that I don’t have the confidence, what I’m really telling myself, is that I don’t have the faith, belief, and trust in myself to see things through and to figure things out.
But we do. We absolutely do.
The lack of acceptance and self-love
The second reason why people don’t feel they’re good enough, is that they feel they’re not worthy to receive the good things that come from what they want.
They say that they’re not ready, or ask themselves, “What did I do to deserve such good fortune?”
But everyone is deserving of good fortune. The world only asks for us to take steps, reach out, take it, and share it.
But because of our beliefs, experiences, upbringing, and our level of self-acceptance, and self-love, we deem ourselves unworthy of receiving such blessings, and achieving.
It’s like being given a compliment, and instead of welcoming it and being grateful for the compliment, you deny it, and shun it away.
We can tell ourselves many reasons why we shouldn’t be deserving of the compliment, but the fact is this – if done with sincerity, we were already given one, and it doesn’t make any sense, but to accept it.
Same with blessings, chances, and opportunities.
I have a bad habit of being harsh on people, and unforgiving of missed standards and expectations, due to the upbringing and many years of harsh experiences which taught me these limiting reactions.
So when I was in a position to grab opportunities and good fortune, I found myself actually holding off, and rationalizing why I wasn’t deserving. I was thinking of reasons why I was unworthy of such good things.
Because I didn’t yet learn to love myself, and accept myself. To accept myself and see myself as deserving of the good things of life, even though I hadn’t done anything to deserve it.
Things are what they are.
We are all equally deserving of good fortune, love, and happiness.
We are always good enough
Even when we fail, even when we do wrong and make mistakes, we are always deserving of opportunities and love.
Maybe just not in the same place, again.
We are always, “good enough”.
Good enough to succeed, to be happy, and to be loved.
Have you ever felt “not good enough?” What’s your story? Kindly share in the comments below!