She called me over to where she was sitting, and told me not to leave so soon.
So I went over to her, sat beside her, and we talked. We talked for quite some time.
She had an infectious laugh, and a warm smile. I was the misfit, the oddity. I really felt like a walking contradiction at the time.
What did she see in me?
But there we were, sitting beside each other.
I liked being in her company, and I could tell that the feeling was mutual. You could almost taste the tension and attraction in the air.
For quite some time, her hand was on the table near me, but not quite in front of me. Several times, I thought of holding her hand. I was already thinking of what I was going to say, or what I needed to do.
I must have come up with quite a number of ways, all forgotten now. I never did get to hold her hand. When we were done talking, a group of friends dropped by to fetch us, and off we all went.
And I didn’t get to hold her hand. I never got another chance to.
In that moment, I hesitated.
Uncertainty causes us to hesitate.
If it was a sure thing, would you think twice about it? Of course not. If I was so sure she’d be okay with it, and that it wouldn’t compromise our friendship whatever happens next, I’d have definitely went for it.
But I was too unsure. There was too much uncertainty. I avoided the risk.
It’s not the risk that causes us to hesitate. The risk will always be there. Our uncertainty is what stops us from confronting that risk.
There was a possibility that I could be wrong. A chance that I could be assuming too much, or reading too deep into the situation.
The uncertainty takes many different forms, but at the heart of it all, it’s because we’re not sure, which causes us to hesitate.
Uncertainty with the self
Looking back, I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t confident enough to follow-through, and to just wing it.
That then stopped me from moving forward, from taking the risk. I wasn’t ready or properly equipped for the situation. There wasn’t enough bravado in me as well.
When we put our capabilities, talents, and skills into doubt, that then causes us to hesitate. It makes us question our ability to follow through.
We can also question our knowledge and our experience, and how they may not necessarily help us in our current situation.
We can exert effort to gain the skills, knowledge, and experience, but at the end of the day, if you don’t trust yourself, then that doubt will always cause you to hesitate.
Uncertainty from others
When we’re not so sure of ourselves, we tend to look to other people. And when we’re uncertain how other people will accept or react what we do, then that may stop us and cause us to hesitate.
“What will she think?”
“How will other people take it?”
At times, we blow up imaginary situations in our head, and let that dictate the reality that we see.
You can’t please everybody, and how we interpret what’s happening, may be totally different from what’s actually happening.
When we look to others to approve what we want to do, we give up our power to them. We will always be at their whims, what they like or dislike.
We can never be truly certain about what others feel or think, but we can be certain about how we feel, think, and act.
Uncertainty with the future
Now, if I did go for her hand, that would have ended in a variety of different ways.
Of course, I would have wanted it to go nicely, but that’s not a sure thing.
We can put in all the hard work, and that may “move the needle,” so to speak, in my favor, but the results are not guaranteed.
A great question to ask is: “Would I rather have tried this, even if I fail?”
Because nobody at their death bed ever regretted doing too much.
And when we think that I’d rather not try, because it has to be perfect, and there’s a chance that I’ll fail – that’s perfectionist thinking. I’ve found that it’s a cop-out. A way to shield the ego from experiencing even just the possibility of failure, and of being labeled as such.
It’s human nature actually. We tend to avoid risk. Instead of playing to win, we play to not lose.
But not losing, is different from winning.
Life is about getting out there, risking, and doing.
Amidst all the doubt.
Amidst all the risk.
Amidst all the uncertainty.
Life is about living, and doing.
It’s about taking action, one step at a time.
Action dispels uncertainty the fastest.
What makes you hesitate? Share in the comments below!
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