Ever since we were young, we were always taught to get the right answer. I mean, who would ever be taught that it’s great to be wrong?
But it can be.
There are times when it’s great, and even happy, to be proven wrong. How?
Go against scripting.
Our experiences growing up, and even day to day, have a profound effect on our lives, and particularly on the way we think. It’s called scripting.
Repeated or a strong experience with a particular stimulus or event, teaches us a way to behave and think, to be able to survive or overcome that particular stimulus or event. Essentially, it’s how we observe, experiment, and learn about the world around us.
When I was really young, I remember playing with a candle, and getting burned. I learned not to keep my finger still near the flaming part of the candle.
Or the time when I kept on running on a wet surface, and I slipped and landed really hard. That taught me to not run when the floor’s wet.
And there are a lot of experiences other than those examples where we learn what to do or not to do.
Unknowingly, we were also taught, scripted, with a lot of things that are negative and limiting. We just don’t know it yet.
Go against what you’ve been taught.
When I was a child, I remember whenever I got high grades, my parents would be happy. And so a part of that experience motivated me to study well.
Up to a point.
Then I realized that studying wasn’t fun anymore, and that I found other interests that were more exciting and fun, then.
Now, I wasn’t failing, and in fact I kept my grades to a respectable level. But somehow, my B-student average wasn’t enough to please my parents, who kept on pushing, egging, nagging, threatening, and even getting angry at my underachieving performance.
And those memories stuck to me.
What also stuck to me was the experience and the truth that if I didn’t have high grades, my parents would be angry, frustrated, and disappointed with me.
It also sent a message that my worth and value wasn’t in the effort I poured into my interests, into learning new things and trying new stuff.
It was in getting a high grade.
If I didn’t get a high grade, then I knew that my parents weren’t going to be happy, and they wouldn’t pay attention to me.
Deep down inside, the scripting, the message that experience ingrained in me, was that I had to work to be able to deserve love. That I had to do something before I feel I am deserving of love.
That belief actually hurt a lot of my early relationships, and didn’t contribute to me having healthy relationships with friends, family, and even co-workers.
For quite a long time, I had been limited by that belief, until I was able to discover that, take action, tell myself, and finally believe, that “that’s not true.”
That by just being, I am deserving of love.
And that what I was taught all these years, was wrong.
Be proven wrong for the better.
I went against and proved myself wrong, against a belief that I had held sacred for so so long.
And I realize, that it was all for the better.
But along the journey, there was so much fear and hesitation. I was afraid of letting go of what I believed to be true, and how I lived my life until then. In my deepest of hearts, I wanted to be free, but my ego, my mind, and my comfort-seeking, wanted to be right.
In our journey to get from where we are, to where we want to go, there may be beliefs, habits, practices, that we hold dear, and we think is right, but is actually holding us back.
It takes an honest assessment, as well as an open heart and mind to be able to look objectively, and tell yourself – “that’s not right.”, and to do something about it that will develop and give you what would work, to get you to where you want to go.
It’s better to be better, than to be right.
We don’t have to be right all the time. That’s one belief that holds us back.
Prove yourself wrong.
Take a good, hard, look at what you’re struggling with. Is there a belief, a practice, a habit that you feel you can’t change? Yes, you can.
What about an attitude? A reaction that you’re known for? Do you constantly tell other people that “that’s who you really are?” and yet, get negative reactions from people that matter to you? Then, maybe that’s not who you “really” are.
What beliefs do yo have that are holding you back?
I’ll never have a healthy and strong body. Of course you can.
I’ll always be stuck in a job. You don’t have to be.
I’ll never be rich. Not if you want it. Not if you want it bad enough.
I’ll never find love. Not if you keep shutting down every possibility.
I’ll never be over him/her. Not if you keep telling yourself that, and keeping her/his memory alive in your heart and mind.
Make choices. You always have a choice.
Such as, when I was young, I thought “I’ll never be able to write. Much less two articles in a week! I’ll quickly run out of things to say!”
Ergo, this blog. Still going, with no signs of stopping.
Have you proven yourself wrong recently? Please share in the comments below!