When I started this blog, I set out a goal of publishing a post a week.
After around nine months, that became two posts a week, which I have done for the past two and a half years.
All of that came to a stop seven months ago. I just published my latest article last week.
Why did I stop writing? And what happened to me?
Dragging My Feet
I knew that to get to results, I had to fight through the struggle and the boredom when it hits. It was consistent effort put in, that would yield results.
Only there came a time, when I wasn’t sure what results I wanted.
Writing is an act of sharing. I’m sharing who I am, my experiences, what I’m learning, discovering, and trying.
Writing takes commitment, and effort. It came to a time where I questioned that.
It’s one thing to get through the boredom and struggle. I found it harder to admit that I no longer found it fun and meaningful.
I got tied to the two articles per week commitment, that I lost sight of why I made that commitment in the first place – which was to develop a writing habit and get meaningful practice in, apart from sharing and potentially helping others.
It got harder and harder to get myself in front of an empty blog post. I was drained and spent, and I felt trapped having to push out an article for other people, when deep down inside, I didn’t want to write.
At least, I didn’t want to write publicly.
Back To Basics
There have been many other things going on in my life outside of this blog. I’ve been doing meaningful work, and finding myself attending and having opportunities to grow and develop myself, from the inside-out.
If there’s a phrase that would capture the essence of what I went through, it would be this:
Transforming back to my natural.
My transformational experience these past months weren’t about achieving breakthroughs outside of what I already had. I had to go through these experiences to accept and bring to light what I already had.
It was a journey of accepting myself, and learning how to “just be”.
I was uncovering parts of myself that I loved, and shied away from at the same time. I was going back to being happy with who I was, and with the person I was becoming.
It also wasn’t a comfortable experience. I faced off with traits, beliefs, and identities that I had long held dear, but only served to held me back.
One realization was that I had to learn to give myself what I needed. That there was no shame in that. Above all, was to accept that with all honesty and gratitude.
That process needed time.
That process needed energy.
I found myself diverting the energy that I poured into publishing the two articles weekly, into my own transformation.
In the process, I discovered that I was unnecessarily complicating my writing.
Where The Words Come From
My words come not just from my mind, but from my eyes, my senses, my body, my experiences, and my heart.
In my lowest times of dragging myself to write, I would write about what I was experiencing, and learning, but the words came, only, from my mind.
Those were not my words. Those were other’s words, that I was sharing, to be mine.
In the past seven months, I felt, and rediscovered this, when I began to write only for myself, and not for anyone else.
And I felt happy.
I felt distracted writing for my blog’s audience, when I forgot about an important audience member – me.
I had to take care of myself, even in the learning, sharing, and inspiration aspects of my life. That’s where the true words, the honest sharing, and the fun writing, comes from.
The words just don’t come from nothing. They come from something – inside of me, that also needs care, rest, love, and breathing space.
Find the Fun
In my heart, I believed that what got me back to writing and sharing on my blog is because I found it fun.
I found it fun to share and help others, even through words and stories.
I found it fun to reconnect and think through my experiences, to make them easier to share.
With what I write, I believe others find it fun, in a deep and meaningful way.
Likewise, I found fun in the process of becoming more of who I am. It’s not always easy, but even difficult moments and challenges can be fun.
That’s what made me stop writing, and it’s still what gets me coming back to writing.
Find the fun, and share it!
I stopped writing and publishing blog posts, but I didn’t stop in my journey, which inspired the blog in the first place.
I got clearer on what results I wanted from this journey of mine.
How’s your journey so far? Let me know in the comments below!