It’s ironic how we’re stopping ourselves.
How we’re sabotaging our success.
And we may not even be aware of it. We’re just so used to living our lives the way we were taught to, the way we learned to, the way we survived to.
We’re not even aware, we’re the ones who are actually stopping ourselves.
How is that?
We’re so good at giving advice to others
But we suck at taking our own advice.
Just last week, I was coaching some people on productivity, and building habits. I helped them firm up an action plan for themselves, and shared with them some tips on building positive habits that will sustain their continuous growth and improvement.
And in the meantime, I find myself, and a few of my projects, floundering and not getting traction.
I may have firmed up a plan, but I let other things take up my time, and find myself with not a lot of time to move my projects forward.
One part why this happens, is because when we look at other people’s situations, we see them from the lens of a third party, an observer, maybe even an analyst, and along with that comes the objectivity and distance from the emotions and feelings of the person.
And it’s those emotions and feelings, that may be causing the confusion and inaction.
And making it hard for us to look at our own situations objectively, and follow what is essentially, our own advice.
But the thing is, we don’t follow our own advice.
We won’t follow our advice.
There’s resistance within us. We justify our actions, feelings, decisions, and situation to ourselves. We defend ourselves from ourselves.
That’s also one reason why coaching works, and having a conversation to objectively look at what’s clear and what you can do in a situation, is extremely helpful.
We procrastinate on our dreams
But get to work on other’s dreams.
Or, we find it too hard / boring / doubtful, and stop or give up.
Maybe, not even get started in the first place.
Whatever it is, we’re letting it hold us back.
Also, we procrastinate on our dreams, because they’re so far away, and they take a longer time of commitment, effort, and investment.
Because in this moment, our primal bodies and minds can only process what’s here and now, and what can make a change and impact immediately.
That might not be working towards our dreams, which may take longer for results. But it’s certainly goofing off now, or eating a big slice of cake, which will give us immediate reward and happiness.
But will not contribute to our long-term goals and dreams.
We’re afraid of success and freedom
We are creatures of habit, and we, over time, slowly build habits which create our comfort zone.
Habits of thinking, feeling, and doing.
So here we are, where we are right now, with a goal that’s drastically different from what we’re used to experiencing.
Even if it’s for the better, it’s scary.
It’s scary to let go of what we’ve grown comfortable with, what we have relied on, and what we can count on to see and react the way we expect things to react.
Even if it hurts us, or limits us. We stick to what’s comfortable. What has grown comfortable.
We humans have an amazing ability to adapt. People survive in the harshest conditions. That doesn’t mean that’s the best condition for them.
But because of comfort, of habit, they stay stay anyway.
For the longest time, I believed that money was hard to come by. And so I had grown comfortable with earning a low paycheck, and beating myself up because I was in that situation.
Crazy, right? But I stayed in low-paying jobs because I was afraid of what high-paying jobs would expect of me. That I feared that I wouldn’t be ready to serve at that level, and would get summarily thrown back down into the deep pit of hell of low-paying jobs that I had.
We can be afraid of doing what it takes to achieve the very success and freedom that we want.
Because we’re afraid to fail. Afraid to look like a loser, or to even become one.
But you only become a real loser and failure if you stop and give up.
We hurt the ones we love
We’re so polite to others – our officemates, that random person across the street, the waiter at the restaurant, but we can be so hurtful to the ones we love.
To the ones closest to us.
Because our officemates, random people, don’t really see who we are, without all of the decorum, posturing, and politeness.
They don’t see what our real hopes, dreams, and fears are. What our deepest desires and beliefs are.
And our loved ones, they get a better glimpse of those. They can better see us for who we are, and what we do.
But that still doesn’t mean we can be kind to each other all the time, and that they understand us fully.
We hurt the ones we love because we feel that they are the most accepting of us, so we lash out, say what’s on our mind, without any filter or reservation.
And what’s on our mind, and what we say, can stink. Can hurt, and can wound.
We expect them to understand us the way we want to be understood, never recognizing that they are still people with feelings, and not just machines to give you the love and acceptance you need when you’re hurting and in pain.
Because in some form or another, we all are. In pain, hurting, and wounded.
And what’s really ironic is how our behavior, can drive away those that we need around us the most.
Ever noticed anything ironic going on in your life? Please share in the comments below!